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Fantasy AdviceTeam Names

The Ten Guys In Every Fantasy Football League

By March 14, 2014 No Comments

Fantasy draft day is always a glorious day. It's when you can officially forget about how last season ended and take the first step towards your championship run.

That's not all that makes draft day fantastic, reuniting with the rest of the league is the most important part of it all.

If you still draft online I'd recommend putting in some work and getting a league together, nothing compares to an in-person draft.

There's always booze, food, friends, trash talk and of course the draft board. It feels liberating to be able to put your first pick on the board, especially when you throw up a pick no one was expecting. It's a combination of all these things that defines who in your league fits with each description below.

The Personalities of Your League

Every league has the guy who pays his dues late, complains about the stupidest things and makes extremely questionable trades. Not all of the guys mentioned below will apply to your league, but odds are a few of them definitely will.

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The Sweet Talker

Here's a guy who always has a plan for everything that he does. He works methodically in the background and strikes when the time is right. He'll do his own thing on draft day and make some moves that tend to leave others in the league scratching their head. But when the season starts they move into attack formation. Those draft decisions you didn't like are now becoming the ammo in his trade proposals and he's locked on to the perfect target.

He'll wine and dine you and will explain to you exactly why the deal is great for everyone.

He'll do a hell of job selling you on the trade and he'll usually get what he wants. He's like a used car salesman, except way smoother and way less sketchy. This guy may be known as a trade rapist around your league because quite frankly, he tends to take as he pleases.

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The Guy Without Money

Wait, are we paying league dues this year? Shit I totally forgot, I'll get you next time.

With this guy there's always an excuse. You're not surprised when they don't have the money for the draft but you still wish that one time they'd surprise you. Maybe next year will be the year they come money in hand, or not. Yeah probably not.

As long as all the money is collected prior to the championship I guess theres no harm. Still if everyone else pays on time there should be a penalty for those who don't. Fair is fair right?

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The Trash Talker

He's the guy that will remind everyone you drafted Montee Ball—like an idiot—way too high last year, and then remind everyone of the time he drafted Peyton Manning and got 55 touchdowns out of him. He'll change his name each week to attack his opponent (which really is something everyone should do) and he'll shit talk you all week long. The only way to shut him up is to beat him in fantasy football.

If you two have a diehard rivalry though, don't expect that trash talk to end, ever. It's better for everyone in the league if it doesn't go away. Everyone loves watching it happen.

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Mr. Stats

This is the guy who shows up to the draft with way too many excel documents, magazines and cheat sheets. He's been studying stats like its his job and if you want he can rattle those numbers off to you without even looking. Although all of that draft prep may seem like overkill, it's likely that he'll still be in contention come playoff time. That's because their attention to detail will always pay off and they make moves systematically.

Just remember that sometimes stats can be the death of you. You'll over analyze and make poor decisions.

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Captain Unprepared

Wait the draft is today? Are you sure? Okay I'll be right there.

Talk about taking a stab in the dark. This guy rarely comes prepared and certainly doesn't do much, if any research before the season starts. He'll roll through with printed out cheat sheets and an outdated magazine at most and start making crazy and foolish picks by round 3.

He thinks he knows fantasy football because he watches the NFL on TV but theres way more to the game than that.

For some reason he can't adapt to the changes that occur in the NFL year after year. His picks are great, if they were a few years earlier, but sadly its 2014 and it's another season of failed attempts.

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The Commissioner

Here's the guy who deserves the most respect of everyone in your league. He easily has the biggest impact on the league's success - he's in charge of all the little details, the ones most other people forget about or don't bother to take on. He organizes the draft, makes sure you have the board, he's up to date on the newest rules and changes so he can explain all the questions that are bound to come.

He handles everything with class and knows what it takes to keep your group together and moving forward.

Although he might rule against you at some point, he deserves every ounce of your respect. Without him your league might just fall apart.

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Mr. Inactive

Let's be honest, Sunday mornings can get hectic. You have to roll out of bed, put clothes on, walk over to your computer, update yourself on fantasy news and then set your lineup. Exhaustive stuff. Wait a second... you don't have to do any of that. You can just lay in bed and use your phone to set your lineup. You're right I'm expecting too much. Just let the sleep wash over you.

That's why once those bye weeks start rolling around you know that someone is going to slip up.

This guy is known for being an easy win during a few of his bye weeks and you're jealous of the guy who gets to play him. I mean who wouldn't want a win as you're moving down the stretch with the playoffs in sight. Don't do this guys. For the sake of your league. Please.

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Mr. Predictable

Here's a classic and textbook fantasy football player. This guy has brought with him one notebook with his personal rankings on them. Possibly a few printouts as an extra reference but that's it. He’ll rarely stray from his strategy but can become easily rattled if the draft starts unfolding differently than he expected. He'll take the sure thing over the risk/reward guy every day of the week.

Occasionally they'll entertain the idea of players that are being talked up but will likely pass on them unless the price is right.

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The Underachiever

Things just never seem to go right for this guy. Sometimes it's just bad luck. They have a great draft and then injuries and bad scheduling leave them stuck in the middle of the standings.

Other times this is the guy who just can't believe his season went wrong. Really man, what'd you expect taking Joe Flacco in the 4th round? This guy usually suffers because of his own decisions. Terrible decisions.

If this is you and your team is bad, I feel for you.

But I lose all respect the second you stop competing. I've seen too many guys trade off their stars for next to nothing to contenders just because they were out of it. Please don't be that guy. Let the rest of the league compete fairly, don't tilt the balance.

As long as you don't jump ship and call the season a loss there's nothing wrong with being this guy. Unless it happens every year. Then you need to figure things out.

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The Crazy Trade Proposal

The crazy trade proposals typically aren’t limited to just one person in a league. The problem is everyone loves the guys they have and only look to trade their lower tiered players for great ones. You know, my shitty guys for your good ones. I’m sure you’ve see your fair share of crazy proposals. The guys that are typically the hardest to trade with are the ones with outrageous demands.

Eventually they’ll take the hint to get their shit together or they’re gonna be stuck with the same guys that no one else wants.

Just offer up a trade that you would take if you were on the other side of it. No deal is ever 50/50 but if you can get close you’re gonna be just fine. Just watch out for the league trade rapist. He’ll take your top running backs and leave you with Trent Richardson and your pants around your ankles.

Don't Be That Guy

The reality is that being any of these guys isn't ideal. They've all got their perks and drawbacks, but the reality is we've all fallen into at least one of these categories at some point. These personas don't necessairly reflect every league you're in, but I'd be extremely surprised if at least two or three of these didn't apply.

The moral of the story is, just keep doing what you're doing. It's just always good to take a look around and see what's going on around you.

Have a few personas you think I missed? Share them below. I have no doubt there's more than these 10 combinations out there.

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Nick Schreck

Nick Schreck

I’m a simple man with simple pleasures. As someone who’s always approached life with the attitude that things could be worse, I’ve had an awesome time so far. I've been a fantasy addict for nearly a decade, and I've loved every second of it.

For the record, I never actually played football. I have no doubt that I would get crushed running across the middle for a pass, every single time.
Nick Schreck

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